I've been thinking about systems. Systems of organizing this surplus, this extra energy...this leftover desire. The entrails of my extensive rhyzomic interests are tangled around my limbs and are weighing me down.
As soon as I invent some system, or organizational style, or way that I think will help me move forward...I abandon it. What's up with that?
When I was little I believed in the sea. The concept of entropy made sense to me a little later, followed by Hegel and the dialectic. Somewhere in college it was the butterfly effect and Chaos theory and more recently the various philosophical takes on the concept of desire...and the lack have seamed to sum "it" all up. Right. It.
"One two three, eyes on me."
"One two, eyes on you."
It. You. Me.
I crave protection. I crave solidity and staying power. I crave follow through and commitment and a sense of humor would really help allot.
What I have is an exquisite knot. A baroque and tragic tangle with parts that are so painfully beautiful, and others that are just plain excruciating.
I also have some relics and some not so sheep like tendencies, which make maneuvering with said relics difficult.
Movement. Change. The journey.
You can think epic hero traveler or pathetic clown like vagabond.
This process has elements of both.
I'm going to land for a while now, if I can remember how.