It's been a bit of a hard day after a bit of a hard night.
Your hero - the moron here, managed to piss off her boyfriend in an inexcusable way that led to all sorts of existential angst and some hard truths to admit.
What I realized is that it is ME causing all the problems all the time. I am to blame, no one else! I am an immature, insecure, argumentative trouble maker. In short, BAD girlfriend. BAD! I hate that. It's so disappointing!
My afflicted conscience and I woke at five this morning worried about his motorcycle which, upon inspection, was fine...it was my behavior that was not fine and the way forward was not going to be easy. Or fun. It was all too clear. Oh lord. I need to grow up and be nice and stop blaming others (and especially him) for my sub-optimal...well...self. And QUIT it, Holly, with the drama queen moments, indiscretions and narcism! Ugh.
So I have these really awesome house mates that help to set me straight - set me straight and then facilitate things like life saving distractions the next day. There's nothing like the inevitability of a garage sale in a girls front yard at 8am to take her mind off her pathetic, self inflicted wounds.
Yep - even as he came swaggering down the street some time later with his helmet swinging in his hand, looking like Mad Max, and OBVIOUSLY still fuming...I couldn't completely collapse into the miserable and painful self reflection the situation begged, due to the fascinating cross-section of humanity that were swarming my stuff nearer to the house.
My daughter did great at the sale and made $20 selling her old clothes. She even shared a few dollars with me...for no other reason than that she wanted me to have some money too.
Early on in the pandemonium I purchased an old children's set of blocks from my roomies, and proceeded to check out in self soothe la la land...for the duration. Yep, as I do... I sat down and made stuff.
It turns out there was a rubber stamp alphabet in me this morning. I carved a sheet of rubber that I had (...just laying around...)into these letters then stuck them to the little blocks with liquid nails.
I was so pleased with the printed result I caught myself exclaiming to a young friend every time I put rubber to the paper, "ooh Alec! Its so pretty...LOOK at that! It works!" He was sweetly accommodating of the waves of self congratulatory remarks that followed. I was just so glad SOMETHING went right today.
If only one's personality and behaviors were as easy to whittle into beautiful shapes as that rubber sheet.